Friend Zone Folly
by quixotic-hope
Summary: After being cursed 18 years younger, Severus decides it's time to make Harry fall in love with him. Matchmaking 101 suggests he use jealousy to get out of Harry's "friend zone," whatever that is. But what happens when his plan pushes Harry further away from him instead?
1. Chapter 1

Harry woke up in the hospital wing. He was always waking up in the hospital wing. He had hoped this would happen less often once he became a teacher, but he supposed that as long as Voldemort was alive, he had to get used to waking up here.

He tried to remember what brought him there this time, but he had a hard time focusing. They had been fighting; that much he remembered. Voldemort and his Death Eaters had been there. They had gotten most of the students out, but the teachers and older students had stayed to fight, and most of the Order had arrived in time to help. One of the Death Eaters must have hit him with something. But what? Was the battle still raging on? He couldn't hear any explosions, so he was fairly certain the battle had ended. Had he defeated Voldemort? Was everyone he cared for still alive? He had so many questions, and no one was around to answer them.

Harry made sure he was clothed and then pushed himself out of bed. He wobbled a little and closed his eyes, gripping the side of bed to steady himself. When he was sure he could move without falling over, he made his way over to the curtains that surrounded his bed, sectioning off his bed from the rest of the ward.

The rest of the room was packed, and most people appeared to be asleep. He recognized most of the people in the beds, but no one he considered a close friend was there. He couldn't tell if that was a good sign or not. A few people looked up as he walked into the room, and they started clapping, which alerted more people to his presence.

"What's with all that noise?" Madame Pomfrey bustled into the room, and the clapping stopped. She spotted Harry, and her face softened somewhat. "Professor Potter. I should have known. At least the clapping makes sense. What are you doing out of bed?"

"I woke up and wanted to know what happened," Harry said. "If they're clapping, does that mean Voldemort—"

Madame Pomfrey flinched and pushed him back toward his bed. "Yes, Professor Potter. You defeated the Dark Lord. Now lay down. You're still weak."

Harry flopped down on his bed and waited while Madame Pomfrey checked his vitals. He felt fine except for a slight headache and a bit of residual dizziness that had mostly faded now that he was in bed again.

"How are Ron and Hermione? The rest of the Weasleys? Professor Dumbledore?"

"They're all fine." She continued checking him over, but Harry wasn't done. A memory came back to him suddenly, one of Severus pushing him to the ground as a Death Eater sent a curse his way.

"What about Severus?" he asked desperately.

Madame Pomfrey hesitated, and Harry feared the worst. How was Severus not the first person he asked about? He should have been. Now that Harry was teaching at Hogwarts and Ron and Hermione were married and working at the Ministry, Severus was his closest friend.

Harry hadn't expected the two of them to become friends at all. It just sort of happened. Even though Severus had twenty years on him, he was still the closest professor to Harry's age. Harry and Severus had spent many nights together planning for the war, and then Harry started coming to him for help with his classes, and then they started getting together just to talk. They had drinks every Saturday and talked about what they hoped for the future. Harry wouldn't have admitted it to anyone, but he hadn't just formed a friendship with Severus. He had fallen in love with the man. He had wanted to tell him how he felt for months, but he had never worked up the nerve to do so, and now Severus might be dead, and if he was dead, Harry didn't want to live in this world anymore.

"He's not dead," said Madame Pomfrey when it became clear that was what Harry was thinking.

Harry stopped worrying quite as much and looked up at her, a hopeful look on his face. "He's not?"

"No, he's not," she said, though she still didn't sound happy. "The spell that he was hit with, it was meant for you."

Harry had figured that much out already. "What was it supposed to do?"

"It was meant to de-age you 18 years," said Madame Pomfrey. "If it had hit you, it would have killed you. But it hit Severus instead, so..."

"He's 18 years younger?" asked Harry, shocked.

"Yes. He's technically fine. He just currently has the body of a 21 year old."

Harry didn't know what to make of that. "Does he still have all of his memories?"

"Yes," said Madame Pomfrey. "The only thing that has changed is his body. His mind is very much in tact."

Harry was relieved at that. "So he should be fine?"

"Yes."

"Can you re-age him?"

"I'm afraid not," she said. "Those sorts of potions are very dark magic. Even if I could brew the right potion, I wouldn't give it to him. The body is not meant to be messed with like that. Re-aging him at this point could do serious damage to him."

"Oh." Harry was sad that Severus wouldn't get to return to the right body, but at least he got to keep his memories and wasn't apparently in any more danger. "Can I see him?"

"I'm afraid not. He doesn't want any visitors right now. He's been down in his chambers all week, and he refuses to see anyone."

"I've been here a week?" asked Harry, shocked.

Madame Pomfrey nodded. "Your friends will be quite happy to find out you're doing better."

And Madame Pomfrey had not been wrong about that. Not half an hour after he woke up, the doors burst open, and Ron and Hermione appeared. They were thrilled to learn he was awake and recovering, though Harry still didn't know exactly what he was recovering from. Part of it was exhaustion from using so much magic to get rid of Voldemort, but the rest was just spells he had been hit with when he was trying to see if Severus was okay after he took the fall for Harry - or at least that's what Harry was able to get out of Ron and Hermione.

The two kept Harry up to date on all of the news he had missed since the end of the war, including the people they lost and the Death Eaters who were killed or were awaiting trial. That was all well and good now, but what Harry most wanted was a chance to talk to Severus. He tried to get Madame Pomfrey to ask the man to visit Harry or to let Harry go down and visit Severus, but Madame Pomfrey refused to let him leave and said Severus refused to come up and see him. Harry was hurt by this — while he knew the man didn't return Harry's feelings, he had at least thought the man considered him a friend — but he tried not to show it too much.

A week after Harry woke up in the hospital wing, Madame Pomfrey finally decided he could leave and return to his own private chambers, especially because the Ministry ball to celebrate the end of the war was coming up soon, and Harry, as the Boy who Lived and Defeated Voldemort, was expected to accept an award on behalf of the entire wizarding world. Harry wasn't sure he liked that idea, but there didn't seem a way for him to get out of it, so he supposed he had to go.

The day of the ball, Harry went down to Severus's chambers and knocked on the door, hoping the two of them could talk before they had to go to the ball, but Severus didn't answer. "Severus?" Harry called, leaning closer to the door. "It's me, Harry. Are you there?"

He waited some more but gave up when it became clear that the older man - now only three years older - wasn't going to answer. Brushing aside the hurt once again, Harry returned to his rooms to kill time there until it was actually time to leave.

An hour into the Ministry ball, Harry was half wishing he hadn't survived his final encounter with Voldemort. Everyone wanted to shake his hand and tell him how inspiring he was and get their picture taken with him and tell him how proud his parents would be, even though most of the people he spoke with had never met his parents. He wanted to hide until the event was over, but he had a feeling he would somehow get in trouble for that.

Besides, if he left, he would have no chance of talking to Severus, which was the only reason Harry had been even remotely interested in coming here. Severus was getting an Order of Merlin tonight, so Harry knew he would be there. He had been watching him all night, but he hadn't been able to work up the courage to go up to him yet.

Harry almost hadn't recognized Severus, he looked so different. He had the same hooked nose that Harry's Severus had, though his whole face looked less sallow, and his hair seemed silkier, and he carried himself differently, with more confidence. Harry didn't now if that was because of the age thing or the fact that he was now a celebrated war hero, but he supposed both probably played a role in the change.

Harry didn't know what to do. Part of him was dying to go up and talk to Severus, but the other part of him was terrified. What if Severus had been avoiding him because he no longer wanted to talk to him? What if he found Harry boring and was looking forward to using the end of the war as an excuse not to have to talk to him anymore? Severus didn't strike Harry as the type of person who put up with anyone when he have to — aside from his students, of course — so he was sure Severus would have told him if he hated him. Then again, that was what made the sudden distance even more confusing.

Harry and Severus were seated at the same table, though Severus was at the opposite side, so Harry still couldn't talk to him. He kept shooting glances at the man all through dinner, but Severus didn't look over at him once, at least not as far as Harry could see. He didn't actually stand next to Severus until they were both called up to receive their awards. They stood beside each other in silence as everyone clapped. Normally, Harry and Severus would have exchanged eye rolls or some sort of derogatory comment about their fans, but now Severus refused to meet Harry's eye, making the entire ordeal more awkward.

After the awards, they had desserts and drinks, and people started mingling again. Harry knew this was the chance to slip away, but he still hadn't talked to Severus, and he had to do that before he left. The last month of school had been canceled so that they could fix up the castle, and while Harry would be staying at the castle, he wasn't sure if Severus was. This might be his last chance to talk to the man before fall, and he would be damned if he let this chance slip by.

Many people were on the dance floor now, but Severus wasn't. He was standing near the dance floor, a glass of something in his hand, and he was watching the people on the dance floor. Harry knew this was his chance, as it was the first time Severus had been alone all evening. He gulped down his glass of champagne and made his way over to the man he loved.

It was almost like going up to a stranger. The old Severus would have looked at Harry with a smile on his face, and they would have laughed at outfits and the people fawning all over them, and then they would have gone back to Hogwarts together and enjoyed talking. This Severus was much more intimidating. Harry knew it was the same man, that he had all the same memories as the old Severus, but Harry was still incredibly nervous. He tried to remind himself that Severus had been de-aged because he took a curse meant for Harry, which he would not have done if he hated Harry, but that wasn't really much comfort. After all, if he and Harry were friends, why had Severus been avoiding him the last week?

"Hi, Severus," said Harry. Now that he was closer, Harry noticed that a lot of the man's scars were gone. He was even more good looking, though he certainly had no complaints about the way Severus looked when he was older.

"Mr. Potter," said Severus, nodding.

Harry felt his stomach drop a bit. It had taken him months to get Severus to call him by his first name. "Are we back to that again?"

Severus looked at him and sighed. "Fine, Harry. I'm glad to see you're doing well."

 _You could have found out for yourself a lot earlier by coming up to visit me, or by letting me into your rooms when I tried to visit,_ thought Harry, but he kept those thoughts to himself. "Yeah. Thank you for saving me."

"That's my job," said Severus.

Harry's stomach dropped further. Severus hadn't been this cold in a long time, not since they first stated working together. He had thought they were friends, but maybe he had been wrong. But Harry wasn't a Gryffindor for nothing. He gathered together what was left of his courage and said, "Would you care to join me for drinks? Saturday? At our usual time?"

"I can't," said Severus. "I have a date on Saturday. I could do it Sunday, though."

Harry felt like someone had punched him in the stomach. Severus had a date? He had never known the man to have a date, ever. Not that Harry didn't understand why Severus would have a date. Of course he would. But that didn't mean Harry had to like it. Of course, he should have known this would happen. Severus was smart and funny and handsome, and now he was a war hero and nearly twenty years younger. Of course he would have a ton of people throwing themselves at him. Of course he would have a date.

And of course that date would take precedence over a visit with Harry.

"Yeah, Sunday works," said Harry miserably.

"Excellent."

A young man, about Severus's age and incredibly handsome, walked up and asked Severus for a dance. Severus excused himself and walked off, leaving Harry alone on the side of the dance floor.


	2. Chapter 2

Walking away from Harry at the Ministry ball was the hardest thing Severus had ever had to do, but he knew it was for the best.

As soon as he realized he had not died in the final battle, that he was actually alive and younger and the closest to good looking he was ever going to get, he set about doing as much research as he could on the art of making someone fall in love with you. He knew he was probably wasting his time, but he also knew he could not waste this opportunity. His body was no longer covered in scars. His teeth weren't yellow. His hair was softer. All his features were better defined. Plus he was a war hero now. This was the closest he would ever get to being good enough for Harry.

Now all he needed to do was get Harry to see that.

He still had a hard time believing he had fallen for Harry Potter of all people. He had hated the boy at first. As a student, Harry was constantly getting into trouble and breaking the rules and making everyone worry about him. As he aged, though, he became more mature, no doubt because he had to work so hard to defeat the Dark Lord. Severus wouldn't have admitted it to anyone, but he had actually grown to respect him long before Harry graduated Hogwarts.

And then Harry was back, now teaching, and to Severus's surprise he was the one Harry turned to when he had questions about his classes or the subject or how to survive the war. They started meeting for weekly drinks, where they would discuss whatever was on their minds. It was Severus's favorite part of the week. It was during these weekly chats that his feelings for the young man had turned from respect to love. He had never acted on them, of course. He knew Harry would never see him in that light. He was almost twenty years older than the boy, a former Death Eater with no good looks or sparkling personality to make him attractive to anyone, and he knew that. But he was still friends with Harry, and he had been content with that.

When he had seen that spell shoot toward Harry, he reacted on instinct, knocking the young man out of the way. He did not know what the spell would do, but he knew he could not take any chances with Harry's life. He was surprised when he woke up the next day in a body he hadn't seen for eighteen years. It was then that he realized that he might finally have a chance with Harry, and it was then that he ordered the book _Matchmaking 101_ , which was one of the most popular books on getting someone to love you - or at least that's what the ad said, and Severus didn't want to take his chances.

For a week after the book arrived, Severus refused to leave his rooms. He read the book quickly, taking notes and devising the perfect plan to get Harry to fall in love with him. According to the book, he was most likely in Harry's "friend zone," which meant Harry saw him strictly as a friend and nothing more. Apparently there was a limited amount of time you could be friendly with someone before asking them out if you did not want them to think of you as a friend forever. Severus was unsure how much time one had before being placed in the friend zone, but considering he and Harry had been having their weekly chats for most of a year now, he was sure he had passed that point. He kept reading.

 _The best way to get out of someone's friend zone is to make that person jealous. The object of your affection currently sees you as someone safe, someone whose attention they do not have to work for. This is what you must change. Stop treating the object of your affection the way you did before. Stop dropping everything to be there the moment they need you. When you always put them first, you make it clear that they have all the power. You need to take that power back. Be more distant. Make them work for your attention. It may seem counterproductive at first, but remember that being too open was what landed you in the friend zone to begin with. You were always there for them. There was no excitement, no wondering if they would get to spend tome with you. Once you make them fight for your time, they will start to become jealous, particularly if you are spending your time with other attractive people. They will realize that the person they wanted was right in front of them all along, and you will finally get the person you always wanted._

Severus set the book down. He was not entirely sure the book knew what it was talking about, but he had read a few articles in gossip magazines, and they all seemed to say the same thing. He normally avoided reading such trash, but he could not deny they were quite popular. Surely people wouldn't buy them if they offered useless information, would they? Or maybe they were all people like him, who were hopelessly in love with those they would never be good enough for, people so desperate enough to shell out several sickles just so they could keep hope alive just a tiny bit longer.

Severus sighed. This was probably a waste of time and money, but it wasn't as though he had anything to lose.

So he told Poppy he did not want to go up and see how Harry was doing, and he ignored the young man when he tried to visit Severus. He attended the Ministry ball but deliberately did not look at Harry, though he could feel the young man's eyes on him throughout the night. He was starting to fear his plan would backfire, that Harry would give up and spend his time with others, but finally Harry approached him and asked him to have drinks with him at their usual time.

Severus had wanted to say yes, to assure Harry he would like nothing more than to spend time with him. In fact, he had been tempted to ask if Harry wanted to leave the ball that moment and return to Severus's rooms for drinks, but he knew he could not do that, not if he wanted there to be any hope that Harry would one day return his feelings. This was his first real test. He had to turn Harry down. He had to start making him jealous.

So instead of accepting Harry's offer, he pretended he had a date on Saturday. The young man looked so devastated, though, that Severus could not help but offer to have drinks with him the next day. He was sure that went against what the book would have had him do, but he felt that was a fair compromise. He then accepted the first dance offer that came his way, hoping it made up for offering to see Harry on Sunday.

The young man who requested the dance was incredibly handsome, though not exactly Severus's type. He nattered on about how brave Severus was and what an honor it was to be dancing with him. He was hardly the first that night to say such things, and Severus did not enjoy the attention nearly as much as he thought he would. When he was younger — truly younger and not just in a younger body — he longed for the attention, awaited the day everyone would see that he was the real hero, the one who deserved the awards and the fans. Now that he had that, though, what he really wanted was to be left alone so he could spend time with the only man whose opinion actually mattered to him.

Eventually he would be able to do that. For now, Severus continued to dance with anyone who asked, and he lined up dates with several of them, starting with the one who led him away from Harry. He was not sure at what point Harry left the ball, but he know he did not see the young man for the rest of the night. Not that he was looking, of course.

Severus spent the next few days back at Hogwarts, helping to rebuild it after the Dark Lord's attack. He and Harry ended up working in different areas, and he was unsure whether to be grateful for that fact or not. He had half hoped that Harry would come down and see him again during the week, but he kept his distance. He supposed Harry was just respecting Severus's wishes, but he could not help thinking this was just more proof that Harry did not and would never have feelings for him.

Still, Severus had to put his plan into action. Saturday evening, he wore his nicest robes and pulled his hair back and met with Anthony, the young man from the dance. He supposed he had to stop thinking of everyone in their early twenties as young men, though. After all, Severus was now technically a young man. He was still getting used to that. He felt the same, though he admittedly had fewer aches and pains on a daily basis. He still froze when he caught sight of himself in the mirror. He was curious when that would stop.

His date was as obnoxious as Severus had been expecting. They went to a fancy restaurant, and Severus ended up footing the bill — as though it weren't punishment enough to spend over an hour with a man who did nothing but talk about his own accomplishments in a pathetic attempt to garner Severus's approval. He wondered if this was what Harry had to deal with when he went on dates, as well, and thought perhaps he would have a slightly easier time wooing him than he thought. Then again, Harry had good qualities that would draw people to him other than his fame. Severus knew once the public lost interest in him, all his dates would, as well. That was yet another reason why he had to win Harry's affections soon.

Finally, Sunday afternoon arrived, meaning he finally got to spend time with Harry. Severus set out the tea he knew Harry liked, as well as the cakes and biscuits he had always been fond of. He wondered if this was something the book would argue against, but surely he was allowed to serve the man food he liked, right? He hesitated and then retrieved the book from its hiding spot in his bedroom.

 _Never let the object of your affection know how well you know them. Do not buy special presents for them for no reason, and when gift-buying holidays arrive, purchase a generic gift. This will make it appear as though they slipped your mind, and they will have to work harder to make sure you remember them next time. The same rule applies in other situations. The more they have to remind you of their likes and interests, the better, especially if you have always remembered before. This will make them rethink your relationship, which will work in your favor._

Severus thought "forgetting" Harry's favorite foods was more likely to make him appear rude, but he was going to put his trust in the book for now. It was, after all, the most popular book on this subject. So he put away the tea and biscuits and got out coffee and cake, knowing the coffee upset Harry's stomach. Then he waited for Harry to arrive, feeling more nervous than he had ever been before. Part of why he loved Harry was because the man made him feel comfortable, unlike most others, so this felt highly unnatural. Then again, "natural" led to him falling in love with someone who would never feel the same, so he supposed "unnatural" was probably the better feeling, even though it hardly felt that way.

Severus forced himself to take his time walking to the door when Harry knocked, and he did his best not to show the happiness he felt seeing the young man again.

"Harry. It's good to see you again."

Harry smiled at him, though it was less vibrant than it had been before the final battle. "Hi, Severus."

Severus led Harry into the room, and they took their usual seats: Harry on the couch, Severus in his armchair next to the couch.

"Coffee?" Severus asked, gesturing to the carafe on the table.

Harry blinked. "Oh. Um, sure."

Severus was slightly disappointed Harry didn't make a big deal about the coffee mix-up — did he make the point properly? — but he supposed he shouldn't really be surprised. After all, part of why Severus liked Harry was because he was laid back and kind. Of course he wouldn't have thrown a fit because Severus made coffee instead of tea.

Harry sipped his coffee and had some cake but said nothing. Severus frowned. Harry was generally much more talkative than this. Why was he so quiet all of a sudden? Just when Severus was resigning himself to having to break the silence, Harry spoke.

"So, um, is it weird being so much younger now?"

Severus had been answering that question for the last week and a half, but it didn't annoy him when Harry asked. For once, he felt like he could answer truthfully.

"Honestly, I am still getting used to it," he said, sipping his own coffee. He fought off a wince, as he also preferred tea. "Whenever I pass a mirror, I have to fight off the urge to attack the man staring back at me. It's ridiculous."

Harry gave him a sympathetic smile. "I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault," said Severus automatically, used to Harry taking the blame for things that were not his fault.

"Actually, it kind of is. The curse was meant for me." He looked at his coffee a moment and then looked up at Severus. Softly, he said, "Thank you, by the way. For saving me. I mean, I know I already said that, and you said it's your job, but really. It means a lot to me."

Severus wasn't sure what to say to that. He could hardly tell Harry that there was no need to thank him, that he had done it for himself just as much as he had for Harry, as Harry's death would have killed Severus. "You are quite welcome."

Harry gave him a small smile that made Severus feel warm all over. He had to do something to stop himself from saying anything that might reveal his reaction to Harry's smile. "Really, I should be thanking you. This age reversal has done wonders for my dating life."

Well, that certainly killed Harry's smile. He quickly recovered, though, giving Severus another smile as he took a big sip of his coffee. "Oh, that's great, Severus. I meant to ask — how was your date yesterday?"

Was it his imagination, or did Harry seem upset by the fact that Severus was dating? And if it wasn't his imagination, what did it mean?

"It was excellent," lied Severus. "It was actually with the young man who asked me to dance while you and I were talking. He had asked me earlier that evening. The handsome one. Do you remember?"

The book had said not to expect a change in reaction right away, but he was still slightly disappointed when Harry did not look at all angry or jealous. He just looked, well, sad, and Severus could not understand why.

"That's great," said Harry. "Are you going out with him again?"

"Yes," said Severus. He had made no plans to see the man again, but there was no reason Harry needed to know that fact. "Though I don't know that I am quite ready to settle down just yet. I received many date requests at the ball, and more keep pouring in. I might as well date around for a while, make sure I don't settle for the first person who comes along. I'm sure you understand."

There. He made sure Harry knew his standards were high while also hinting at Harry's own standards, which also had to be high. Perhaps that would implant in the man's mind the thought that they shared the same standards and thus would actually make a perfect match themselves.

"Yeah, sure. I guess."

Severus frowned. Perhaps that had been too subtle or even the wrong tactic all together, as Harry did not at all sound as though he was thinking he and Severus shared the same standards. If anything, he sounded as though he were humoring Severus. No doubt he was thinking that there was no way Severus's standards could possibly be as high as Harry's were.

It was no matter, though. Severus had known he would not be able to make Harry fall in love with him after one day. This would take time. Severus would have to go on many dates, make Harry think dozens of people wanted him. Then maybe Harry would see that Severus was someone who deserved his attention.


	3. Chapter 3

Harry made his way back from Severus's rooms feeling more depressed than ever before. If Madame Pomfrey hadn't insisted that Severus's mind had not been affected, he would have sworn the curse had changed more than just Severus's appearance. He was nothing like he had been before. Normally they would drink tea and have the biscuits Severus knew Harry liked. Now they had coffee and cake. Severus had only served coffee once before, and he had stopped after Harry confessed that coffee hurt his stomach. Harry had always been touched that Severus knew what he liked, but apparently Severus had forgotten. Well, that or he suddenly stopped caring if he served Harry's favorites. He knew it was a stupid thing to worry about, but he couldn't help it. What if the change was Severus's clue that he didn't really want Harry around anymore?

He tried to tell himself he was being stupid, but he couldn't help it. Over the next few months, he noticed a lot of changes in Severus. Normally the man sat next to Harry in the Great Hall, and he would stop by Harry's rooms at least once during the week to chat. Now Harry only saw him on Sundays. He wanted to believe that the change had only occurred because it was now summer and there were no students around, so they had more free time, only needing to leave their rooms to help with castle clean-up several hours a day, but he didn't really think that was it. He would frequently see Severus talking with the other staff members who stayed over the summer, and he seemed to be having a good time with them.

Harry was the only one he never sought out anymore. He continued to serve coffee during their weekly chats, though even those chats had changed. They used to talk about the war and the news and their classes. Harry had figured that would change a bit now that the war was over and classes were finished for the year, but now Severus only seemed to want to talk about all the dates he was going on.

Not that Harry needed Severus to tell him about the dates. They were all over the Daily Prophet, which had taken to calling Severus the most eligible bachelor after Harry himself. Harry had tried to ignore the articles, but he couldn't help himself. Every morning before he left for the Great Hall, he would flip through the paper, looking at the picture of Severus with his latest conquest. Harry couldn't help notice that every guy Severus went out with was super handsome. Not that he would have expected anything else, of course. Severus was perfect. He deserved to be with someone who was just as perfect as he was.

Not that Severus was being shallow. Each Sunday, he would tell Harry all about his dates' other wonderful qualities: about how smart this one was and how funny this other one was and how generous and kind and wonderful and amazing all of them were. It was hard to listen to. On the one hand, he was so happy for Severus, as the man had been through so much, and he deserved to finally find happiness.

But on the other hand, Harry felt like he was slowly dying. How had he ever hoped, even for a second, that Severus would be interested in him? He supposed that was the good thing about the painful weekly chats: at least he now knew for certain that he had no chance with the man, so he could stop fantasizing about the day that Severus would realize what Harry lacked in looks he more than made up for in other areas. After all, Severus had known him for years, and they had been friends for almost a year. It wasn't as though he were going to suddenly develop feelings for Harry out of nowhere.

He thought back to what Severus had told him that first day in his office, right after the ball, about how he had high standards and wasn't going to settle for anything less than perfect and that he was sure Harry understood. He wanted to believe that Severus just meant that Harry also knew what it was like to have fans throw themselves at him, so Harry could understand why Severus would want to date around a bit before settling down with one in particular. But the more they talked, the more sure Harry became that Severus had actually meant something quite different.

What if Severus knew Harry liked him? What if that was why he was now going out of his way to make sure Harry knew how great his dates were and how high his standards were? What if this was his way of making sure Harry knew Severus would never like him back, that Severus could have anyone he wanted and was never going to settle for someone like Harry?

Of course, it wasn't as though Harry hadn't tried to date. He had. But how could he date anyone when he was in love with Severus? That would be horribly unfair to whomever he was dating. Besides, it wasn't as though he had many serious prospects. Severus might like all the attention, but Harry had had enough of people who only wanted him because he was famous. He wanted someone who wanted him for him.

The only problem was that the more he listened to Severus talk about his dates, the more certain Harry was that he had no other good qualities. He still looked like a clumsy child with his knobbly knees and perpetually messy hair and thin frame. He wasn't smart like Hermione. He wasn't funny like Ron or witty like Severus. He wasn't quirky like Luna or patient like Neville. He was just some lucky kid who had survived when a lot of other people hadn't, and he wasn't interested in dating anyone who thought that made him a good partner.

It would probably be better if he just gave up on the idea of ever finding love.

"You can't do that!" shrieked Hermione.

Harry sighed. He should have known better than to tell Hermione about his plan to be single for life. In his defense, though, she had been the one to bring it up. They were seated at Ron and Hermione's kitchen table. Ron was digging into a large pile of mashed potatoes while Harry picked at his meatloaf, less hungry than he had been before this conversation started.

"It's not that big of a deal," said Harry, though he didn't even really believe himself. "It'll give me more time to focus on teaching."

"Don't let that old git get you down," said Ron.

"Ron!" admonished Hermione, smacking him on the arm. "That's not helping."

"Neither is spending all his time with an ass who doesn't appreciate him," said Ron. He turned back to Harry. "Just stop talking to him and find someone else."

"I hate to agree with Ron when he's being so insensitive," said Hermione, "but I think he might be right. Being around Severus is bound to be too painful for you right now. What if you took a break? You know, if you stopped seeing him each week, at least for drinks. Maybe distance would do you some good. And you could try to date other people. I know a lot of people who would be interested in you."

"Yeah, me, too," said Harry miserably, stabbing his mashed potatoes.

"Not just for your scar," said Hermione. She put her hand over his in what he was sure was supposed to be a comforting gesture. "I know a lot of genuinely nice people who would be great for you. What do you say? I could try to hook you up with one of them. It might be fun."

Harry didn't think it would be fun, but he also didn't like the idea of sitting alone in his rooms while Severus dated every other guy in the universe. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to let Hermione set him up with someone. Maybe if Severus saw that he was dating other people, too, he would stop feeling the need to highlight all of Harry's flaws by pointing out the assets of his dates. After all, he was fairly certain Severus was going out of his way to make sure Harry knew he would never be good enough for Severus. If he were dating other people, Severus would have no reason to think Harry was interested in him.

Besides, who knew? Maybe Harry actually would find someone he liked spending time with, someone who liked spending time with him, as well.

Luke was a few years older than Harry, and he worked with Hermione at the Ministry. He had light brown hair and blue eyes and a friendly smile. He wasn't Severus, but Harry couldn't deny that he was attractive in his own right. He met Harry outside the Three Broomsticks, and then they made their way to the restaurant.

"I'm so glad Hermione finally agreed to set me up with you," said Luke as they walked. "I've wanted to meet you for so long."

Harry's stomach lurched. Hermione had said this one wasn't a fan boy. "Oh yeah?"

Luke nodded. "Yeah, one of my cousins was in your year. Ernie MacMillan. You know him?"

Ernie was one of the most prideful, annoying Hufflepuffs Harry had ever met, but he wasn't a bad guy overall. Harry supposed there were worse people Luke could have been related to. "Yeah, I know Ernie."

Luke grinned, as though being related to someone Harry remembered from school was something to be proud of. "Yeah, well, he was always going on about what a great guy you were, how you never let your fame go to your head or anything like that. And how you fought so hard to make sure they all got the education they deserved, especially back when the Ministry was trying to interfere at Hogwarts. And I just remember thinking, wow, here's this kid doing all this great stuff, and I'm an adult, and I'm not doing anything." He laughed, and Harry forced out a chuckle so he didn't seem rude.

"I'm talking a lot, I know. Sorry. I'm just nervous," said Luke.

"That's okay," said Harry. And he supposed it was. At least when Luke was talking, Harry didn't have to come up with anything to say.

They reached the restaurant and were seated in the middle of the room. If Harry hadn't known Hermione had made the reservations, he almost would have suspected Luke had requested being where everyone could see them. But he had agreed to try, so he smiled at Luke as they took their seats across from each other, and he resolved to make the best of the evening.

And then Severus was seated at the table next to them. With a date.

Luke had been talking about something — what he did for a living, perhaps? — but Harry didn't hear anything he said after Severus walked into the room. He watched with a heavy heart as Severus and his attractive date followed the host to the table next to Harry and Luke's, and he felt like disappearing as Severus noticed who was sitting next to them and sneered.

Severus said nothing directly to Harry, though, so Harry tried to turn his attention back to Luke, but it was almost impossible now. How was he supposed to get over Severus when the man was sitting so close?

Severus's date was clearly interested in him just as much as Luke was in Harry. He kept asking questions about his life and trying to get to know him better. He was young and handsome like all of Severus's dates were, and Harry wondered if the man's standards were really that high or if his dates weren't actually any better than Harry's tended to be. Not that it mattered. He was here for Luke, not Severus.

"So, is it weird now that you're not fighting anyone?" asked Luke once their meals arrived. "I mean, you've spent like your whole life fighting You Know Who, and now he's gone. I mean, I'm sure it's nice to relax, but isn't in strange?"

Before Harry could answer, Severus raised his voice and said, "Of course it's strange. Potter had one purpose in life: get rid of the Dark Lord. Now his only purpose in life is gone. You'd feel strange, too, if you were no longer needed in life."

Harry felt like someone had let all the air out of his lungs and then stomped on them so they couldn't refill. He had been avoiding Severus the last couple weeks, and apparently in that time he had forgotten just how cruel Severus could be. Not that Harry could really argue with his point. After all, he had half worried that was why Severus had been so weird right after the final battle, and it did make sense. Harry had done what everyone expected him to do. He had killed Voldemort. There was nothing left for him to do. He had hoped he could find a home at Hogwarts, maybe even find someone to love him, but now he wondered if everyone thought like Severus did, that he might as well go curl up in a hole and die because he wasn't of any use to anyone anymore.

"That's a terrible thing to say to the savior of the wizarding world," said Luke angrily, and Harry winced. Luke really was just another guy who saw him as the Boy Who Lived, wasn't he?

"If his ego is really that frail, perhaps you shouldn't be dating him," said Severus.

There was so much anger in his voice. Harry was having slight trouble breathing. He almost wanted to just stop breathing all together. After all, what was the point of breathing when you were no longer sure you wanted to be alive?

"Ignore him," Luke told Harry. "Ernie told me all about him. He's just an ass who thinks losing twenty years makes him more likable."

"And yet I'm the one everyone wants to date," said Severus, "and the famous Harry Potter is the one who's spent most of his nights alone. Why do you suppose that is? I'll tell you my guess. I think it's because Harry Potter thinks he's so much better than everyone else, when really he's nothing but a pathetic little boy who will never be anything greater than what he is right now."

Harry couldn't take it anymore. A choked sob escaped his mouth, and he ran out of the restaurant before anyone could realize he was actively sobbing. Without thinking, he Apparated to the Hogwarts gates and stumbled toward the castle.

He had known Severus wasn't romantically interested in him, had even suspected Severus was using his numerous dates to tell him so, but he never thought Severus would be this openly cruel. He thought they were friends. Why, then, would Severus say such horrible things to him?

Unable to find the strength to keep moving, Harry collapsed against the nearest tree and buried his face in his hands as he sobbed.


	4. Chapter 4

Severus vacillated between frustration and despair that his plan was not working. He had been dating other people for months, and still Harry hadn't asked him out. If anything, the more Severus dated, the more withdrawn Harry seemed to get. He finally started making up excuses not to be around Severus, which Severus didn't understand at first. Then he realized what it must be. Not only did Harry not want him, but he also didn't want to see Severus so happy. Apparently Harry only liked to be around him when Severus was miserable.

Severus didn't know why he was even still going on dates. They didn't bring him any pleasure, and they weren't making Harry notice him in a new light. Tonight was going to be his last one.

And then he went out, and there was Harry, seated at the table next to them, looking shocked and miserable when he saw Severus. Disappointment and sadness welled up inside him, but he pushed those emotions down and focused on his anger instead. Anger he could deal with. Hate was a close personal friend. So instead of feeling hurt that Harry didn't want him and his dates only wanted him for his newfound fame, he focused on his ire.

So, Harry didn't want Severus to be happy and date people, but it was fine for him to date? And Severus wasn't good enough for him, but this Hufflepuff reject was? The guy might have been attractive, but after listening to ten minutes of their conversation, Severus knew the imbecile had nothing to offer Harry. Why was Harry wasting his time with him? And more importantly, if he was going to waste his time dating someone so clearly beneath him, why could he not have dated Severus?

No. He pushed the hurt back down again. It didn't matter. If this was the kind of guy Harry wanted to date, maybe he had misjudged him. Maybe Harry really was the shallow, vapid, attention-seeking prat Severus used to think he was. Someone should put him in his place, and Severus had always been that person before, so he might as well be that person again.

So Severus took the first opening he could find, and he said the first mean, horrible, hurtful thing that came to his mind. He had expected Harry to start yelling back at him, to say that Severus was the one who was useless and had no purpose in life, but he didn't.

Instead, Harry fled from the restaurant. In tears.

Severus's anger evaporated, leaving behind a well of guilt and sadness. He had crossed the line. He excused himself from the table and hurried outside in time to see Harry Disapparate. He couldn't be sure where he had gone, but he was fairly certain he knew where the young man was going. Severus turned on his heel and Apparated to the gates of Hogwarts.

And sure enough, he found Harry a few feet away, slumped against a tree, sobbing. Severus's heart dropped. He had never felt so terrible in all his life. What had he really hoped to accomplish by insulting Harry? He knew how much Harry feared being useless once he defeated the Dark Lord, and Severus had turned around and used that against him. All because he was hurt that Harry hadn't wanted to be with him.

What the hell was wrong with him?

"Harry?" Severus knelt down beside him, wanting nothing more than to pull him into his arms and hold him, but he knew he didn't deserve that and that Harry wouldn't want comfort from him anyway.

Harry sat up and wiped his eyes on his sleeves, as though that would make it not obvious that he had been crying. "What do you want?" he asked miserably.

"To apologize," said Severus softly. "I never should have said those things."

"No, you shouldn't have," agreed Harry, and a fresh wave of tears filled his eyes. He tried to brush them away, but they just kept coming. He finally got them under control enough to say, "Just go away."

Severus didn't move. "I am not leaving you in this state, not when my own foolish anger caused it. Please, Harry, I am so sorry."

Harry shook his head and pushed himself off the ground. Then he headed for the castle. "Don't worry about it. I had to get the message at some point, right?"

Severus had never heard so much misery in Harry's voice, and he hated himself more than he ever had before. "What message?" he asked as he followed Harry.

"That you hate me," said Harry, and Severus felt even worse as Harry's voice caught. "I should've known long before now. I guess I'm even stupider than you always thought, huh?"

"Harry, I don't think you're stupid, and I certainly don't hate you." Severus's heart broke for the man he loved. He had to fix this.

"It's fine," said Harry. "Like I said, I should've known. They way you kept avoiding me after the war. I can't believe I actually thought you saved me for me. Of course you did it because it was your job. Like you said. You had to keep me safe so I could kill Voldemort. Of course you didn't want to spend time with me anymore after that. You couldn't have made it any more obvious. I just kept hoping I was wrong, that we actually were friends. But it was all just pretend, wasn't it? I was never your friend."

Harry stopped and faced Severus, his face sad but determined, and Severus almost felt his own eyes prickle with tears. How had he managed to cause the man he loved so much pain?

"Of course you're my friend," he said quietly, disgusted with himself. He had been so focused on wanting Harry to like him romantically that he was willing to ruin their friendship. That was wrong. He knew that now, but he didn't know what he could do to fix that.

"I'm not." Harry turned around and kept walking. "If I was your friend, you wouldn't think I was worthless."

"Oh, Harry, I don't think that," said Severus. "I'm sorry about everything I said at the restaurant. I didn't mean anything. I was mad and taking it out on you, and I was wrong. I'm so sorry."

Harry shook his head as he walked up the front steps. "It's fine. I _am_ worthless. Why wouldn't you think that? Why wouldn't everyone think that? I killed Voldemort. That was all I was good for. You were right. There's nothing left to live for now. Everyone else is so happy. Ron and Hermione are happy. All the Weasleys are happy. You're happy. Everyone's getting what they want now. That's all that matters."

"And what about you?" asked Severus. They paused at the bottom of the stairs in the Great Hall. Severus's rooms were down the hall to the right, and Harry's were upstairs. "Are you happy? Other than tonight, I mean."

Harry wiped away some more tears and shook his head. "It doesn't matter if I'm happy or not."

Harry started up the stairs, but Severus put a hand on his shoulder, and the younger man stopped, though he did not turn to face Severus.

"Please, come to my rooms and talk to me," whispered Severus. "Please let me fix this."

"There's nothing to fix," said Harry, still not looking at him. "You hate me, and I know that now. I'll never bother you again. Just let me go. I promise not to tell the Headmaster what you said back there if that's what you're worried about."

"Of course that's not what I'm worried about," snapped Severus. Then he took a deep breath and said, in a calmer voice, "Please, Harry."

Harry looked at him, and he seemed to find whatever he was looking for because he nodded. He still looked weary, and Severus hated that, but at least Harry was following him back to his rooms. He was letting him fix this. It was more than Severus deserved, he knew, but this was no longer about him. This was about Harry.

When they made it to his rooms, he gestured for Harry to have a seat on the couch, and then he hurried to the kitchen and made Harry's favorite tea and brought out his favorite biscuits and set them on the table before him.

Harry stared down at the food and drinks with an oddly grateful look on his face. "You remembered."

Severus was confused for a moment, and then he remembered that he had been intentionally serving the wrong drink because of that infernal book. He would be burning that as soon as Harry left.

"Yes, I remembered," he said softly. "I suppose that is just another in a long list of transgressions I must apologize for."

"What are you talking about?" asked Harry.

Severus sighed. He had no idea how to explain this without making a fool of himself, but perhaps that was the price he had to pay. Maybe humiliation was the only way to earn Harry's forgiveness. He wasn't sure, but he knew he owed it to Harry to do anything in his power to make him smile again.

"I apologize for everything I have said and done since the war ended," said Severus.

"You don't have anything to apologize for," said Harry, looking at his cup. "I mean, what you said tonight was mean, but it's not like it wasn't true. Don't worry about it."

"Of course it wasn't true," said Severus. "Harry, you are the most amazing person I have ever met. You are strong and kind and brave and selfless. You did not lose all of those qualities just because you ended a war. Are the rest of us worthless because we are no longer fighting in a war?"

"No," said Harry quietly.

"How about those who were not involved at all? Are they worthless human beings?"

"No."

"So why do the rules only apply to you? Why do you not deserve happiness like everyone else?"

Harry took a sip of tea and shrugged. "I guess it just feels like I'm the only one who's stuck. Everyone else is falling in love and getting married and moving on, and I'm exactly where I was before the war ended."

Severus waited a moment to get his emotions under control and then said, "I have not heard much news of you dating. Surely you will find someone who interests you soon. It's not as though you don't have many options."

Harry looked at him in confusion, though Severus felt what he said was fairly straight forward. Finally, he said, "I'm not interested in anyone who only wants to date the famous Harry Potter. That sort of narrows the list a bit."

He sounded far more bitter than a handsome young man should when talking about potential suitors. "I can't imagine you would have any trouble finding someone. The whole world loves you."

Harry shook his head. "They love the Boy Who Lived. No one loves me. And I don't blame them. I mean, why would they? I'm nothing. You said it yourself. I'm pathetic. I've got nothing to offer anyone except my fame and money, and I wouldn't want anyone who wanted me for those things. That just means I should give up and focus on my job and stop wishing for something I'll never have. That's all."

Severus didn't believe what he was hearing. How could the boy possibly think that he had nothing to offer? He was perfect. He was beautiful and generous and kind and determined and smart and funny. Everything Severus had always wanted and had been so sure he would never get.

"You can't possibly think you of all people is destined to be alone," said Severus.

Harry shrugged, trying to look nonchalant but just managing to look heartbroken. "I mean, I'm sure I could find someone if I just accepted the first offer sent my way, but I don't want someone who only wants my fame. I'd like someone who knows the real me and likes me anyway, flaws and all, not some idealized version of me they've made up in their head."

"I doubt you would have a hard time finding such a person."

Harry scoffed. "Yeah, well, I doubt that very much. Besides, there's only one person I'm interested in, and he definitely has no interest in me, and I don't really see the point in wasting time with anyone else. I was trying to move on tonight, and that was a complete disaster, even before you showed up."

Severus nearly dropped his cup of tea. Harry was interested in someone? Who? Did Severus know this person? What made Harry think this person wouldn't want him? What kind of imbecile could learn Harry Potter was interested in him and not return those feelings?

"What makes you think this person could not return your feelings?"

"Because I know him, and I know he'd never want me," said Harry. He took another sip of tea, but it didn't seem to comfort him. "He's way too good for me. Always has been, he just recently seemed to realize just how much better he could do. Or maybe it's just that everyone else finally realized that. Either way, he's made his disinterest very obvious. I used to think maybe…"

"Maybe what?" asked Severus when it became clear Harry was not going to finish his sentence.

"It's stupid," said Harry.

"Tell me anyway."

Harry sighed. "I used to think maybe, if I killed Voldemort, he would like me. Like I could prove myself or something, which is stupid because I wouldn't be any better looking or smarter or sophisticated or anything else after I killed him. I would just be the same pathetic person I've always been, and he would always be smarter and older and better looking and not at all interested in me."

Severus could hardly believe what he was hearing. How had he not realized what horrible self-esteem Harry had? He knew Harry wasn't arrogant, but he had not realized how far in the opposite direction his thoughts went. This realization made him rethink his entire dating plan. The book had said jealousy would make the other person fight for you, but why would Harry fight if he didn't think he was good enough for anyone? If he didn't think there was the slightest chance Severus would pick him?

He knew it was a long shot, that Harry was most likely talking about someone else, but he had mentioned that he liked someone older and sophisticated, someone whom the wizarding world had just recently started to notice. That did describe Severus, even though he knew Harry couldn't really be talking about him.

"Who are you interested in?" he asked, trying to sound vaguely curious and not as though his entire existence hinged on the answer.

Harry shook his head. "It doesn't matter."

Severus sighed. "How are you ever going to find out for sure if he returns your feelings if you never tell anyone who it is?"

"The man I love's spent the last few months parading a bunch of beautiful people in front of me, making sure to point out all the ways they're better than I could ever hope to be," said Harry sadly. "I'm pretty sure he's not interested."

Severus froze. Love. Harry loved this person. And there was almost no chance Harry was talking about anyone else that time. Which would mean that all this time Severus was dating people he didn't even like in the hopes that it would bring Harry to him, he was actually pushing the young man even further away.

"Perhaps he was trying to make you jealous in the hopes that it would make you fight for him," said Severus softly.

Harry looked at him, sadness, confusion, and hope warring on his face. "I highly doubt that. Wouldn't it make more sense to just tell me in that case, rather than making me think he liked someone else?"

"You are thinking like a Gryffindor," said Severus, still looking Harry in the eye. "A Slytherin would not risk his feelings like that. He would come up with a plan to get what he wanted that would not put his heart on the line."

Harry looked slightly more hopeful now, though he was still hesitant. "So you're saying it's possible someone would pretend to date a bunch of people when they actually wanted to date someone else?"

"Yes." And then, because he owed it to Harry to take a risk, he said, "It is also possible that someone could grow so devastated that their plan was not working that they would attempt to cover up their hurt with anger and end up making the man they love flee a restaurant in tears."

Harry gasped, and then he tried to pretend he hadn't reacted, but Severus had seen the love and hope flash over Harry's face before he tried to cover them up. Severus set down his tea and then removed the cup from Harry's before gripping the younger man's hands in his own.

Emboldened by the fact that Harry did not pull away, Severus said, "Harry, I am in love with you."

Tears filled Harry's eyes as he shook his head. "You can't possibly."

Severus removed one hand from Harry's grip and brushed away the tears. Then he cupped Harry's cheek and said, "I have been in love with you for the past year. I took that spell for you because I could not imagine living in a world without you. When I learned I was younger and the closest to attractive I was ever going to be, I tried to come up with a plan that would make you fall in love with me. I thought by showing you how attractive others found me, you might think of me differently, in a romantic way. It became clear very soon that my plan was not working. Tonight when I saw you with that young man, I lost it, and I took my anger out on you, and I can never fully convey how sorry I am for that. You deserve so much more than that, regardless of any feelings you may or may not have for me."

Harry bit his lip and then leaned forward and brushed his lips against Severus's. Severus moaned and leaned into the kiss, and soon his arms were holding Harry as Harry's hands cupped the back of Severus's head. They kissed until they ran out of breath, and then Harry leaned back enough to look into Severus's eyes, which were as bright as his own.

"I love you," said Harry. "I was so sure you could never feel the same way. When you started being more distant, I was sure you didn't even want to be friends. I thought you went on and on about your dates because you knew I liked you and wanted to tell my you didn't feel the same way without actually having to come out and say it."

Severus felt even guiltier than he had before. "I am so sorry, Harry. I have caused you more pain that I ever thought possible. I do not deserve your love or forgiveness."

"Too bad," said Harry, smiling shyly at him. "You've got both."

And then they kissed again. Later, Severus would show Harry the abominable book, and Harry would scoff at the whole "friend zone" concept, and they would sit back and smile as it burned in the fireplace. Severus would tell him the truth about all his horrible dates, and he would list all the ways Harry was superior to every single one of them. For the time being, though, they had more important things to do.

It wouldn't be until many hours later, when they were cuddling in bed, that they realized that they had left their dates sitting at the restaurant the entire time.


End file.
